Trusting Eve

Eros (Part II)

The etymologies of the names Adam and Eve invite us to place ourselves into their shoes (or lack thereof) and to experience the story of Eden through their eyes. The following is my attempt to do just that. As a man, I feel that I can only try to do justice to the divine-masculine Adam portrays - trying to write as Eve would feel disrespectful. Thus, Eve’s words here were written by (or with) my wife. And if any other women feel so called, I would love to hear this story from your side - yours is the more important half anyhow.

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The very first time you woke, you were in the most beautiful place. You were gently cushioned by the softest loam, and as you stretched yourself out from your waking, you felt the cool of the earth as your fingers curled into it. Your eyes fluttered open, and all around you was bright, colorful, musical, and wondrous. The sounds around you were the purest music. The scents in the breeze were exquisite. Your body felt strong and powerful. You somehow knew that this place was made for you - and you were made for it.

And the first thing you did in Paradise was sob.

You didn’t have a name for what you felt. You only knew in a wordless knowing that something was missing. You only knew in that wordless knowing that your everything was being drawn inexplicably towards something which you knew wasn’t there. The absence of that something absolutely overshadowed all the beauty around you. You held yourself as you curled up, and your tears turned the soil under your face into dust.

Right before you fell asleep, you heard a voice say:

“Oh… It is not good for man to be alone.”

You woke again.

The first thing you felt was the hollowness in your side. Your sorrow had entered your chest and became a part of your very body - a physical reminder that there was something missing.

You didn’t want to open your eyes again - but as your tears began to silently trickle, you heard a new voice. She simply said

“Adam”

Your eyes shot open.

There - lying face to face in front of you - was that Someone towards whom your Being had cried out for. There she was - the answer to your Soul’s first prayer.

You both sat up - not breaking eye contact for an instant. How could you break it? Behind her eyes were a familiarity and… something else. There was a strange strangeness in the deep wells of her eyes that didn’t made sense to you - would never make sense to you. You felt her Otherness, felt that there was a piece of the puzzle that only she had - in fact, looking into her eyes was what made you aware that there was a puzzle. You knew instinctively that she knew things you never could, and you loved her all the more for that.

Eventually - after your first eternity in her eyes - you opened your arms, she opened hers, and you leaned into your first embrace of many. You closed your eyes as you smelled her hair - and that smell would be your favorite of all the fragrances of Paradise. You held each other for a long time, and when you finally blinked your eyes open, you were able to truly appreciate the beauty of Eden for the first time.

Pretty soon after that, ELOHIM showed up. He said that he had taken one of your ribs and had made the object of your longing into her. He said that she was your partner, and you knew that her name was Eve - the mother of all living. God showed you and Eve around Eden, He showed you all the living wonders it contained, and He asked you to name it all. You somehow knew what each thing was meant to be called, and all you named enjoyed being seen and given such fitting logos. He said that the Garden was yours and Eve’s - you were to take care of it and each other. He showed you both all the different trees with all their different fruits - He said mango was His favorite.

But at one point in the wondrous tour, God stopped you and said “This one…” He had a strange look in His eye, “This is the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. You can eat any of the fruits I showed you. Any except this tree. If you eat from this one, you will surely die.”

You said, “Don’t eat this one, I can do that!” Then a passing parrot caught your eye - you traced its movement as it flew off. When you looked back, you saw that Eve had a strange look on her face - she was still looking intently at God, and He was looking at her too.

Time passed - or maybe it didn’t. You always have difficulty remembering what time was like in Eden.

One day, you were sitting on a comfy stone weaving some golden grasses into a basket. You heard footsteps coming from uphill, so you turned to show Eve the cool new pattern you had been working on. As you looked up to her, your big smile faded. She had walked out of the tall grass, and there was something… different about her. She had one of the forbidden fruits in her hand - a big red thing, with a bite taken out of it.

“Adam.”

“Eve? Is that?...”

“Yes.”

“Why?!” Tears of anger and confusion and fear began to cloud your eyes. You wiped them away, and with trembling voice you said “Bu bu but God said we couldn’t! Eve! Why? That was the ONE thing He said not to do! How? Why would you...? What’s going to happen now? Eve! He said we would die Eve! ...”

There were tears in her eyes too as she explained about the serpent - about what he said.

“But Eve! That can’t be true, God wouldn’t lie to us! The serpent tricked you, I I I don’t know why, but he did! Oh no oh no oh no. Eve, what’s going to happen now?” You asked, but you knew the answer. You had seen the gates. You knew there was an outside. You had never let yourself think about what was beyond the walls at the base of Eden. So, you answered your own question: “You will have to leave Eden… You will have to leave me…” You put your hand on the hollow in your side - you could feel the emptiness - you could remember that first day in Eden, you remembered the agony of being alone.

“Adam.” She said it so gently. “He didn’t trick me.”

“Then why would you?”

“I don’t completely know. But Adam… I just… I knew that it was the right thing to do.”

“What do you mean?! God said it so clearly! He said not to eat that one fruit! Just that one Eve!”

“I know! I know. It’s just… Adam, do you remember the day He showed us the tree? Well, after He told us not to eat it, He looked at me in the strangest way… I can’t really describe it… His eyes Adam - they were so sad, but they were so happy too. It was like He knew that I would eventually eat - it was like He wanted me to do it even… When He looked at me, He just made me feel like everything would be okay…”

You paused and thought for a long time before you said, “So He wanted you to eat the fruit even though He said not to?”

She paused too then said, “There is something here in Eden that we don’t have, but that we are supposed to have - and I knew that eating the fruit was the way towards that something. Does that make sense?”

Your first instinct was to say ‘no – that makes zero sense, Eden is perfect, and we have everything we could ever want.’ But you didn’t say that. Instead, you felt your hand still pressed against the hollow in your side. You did know what it was like to not have the thing you need, and to not know what that thing was. You said “I… I think so…”

Her face showed relief, and with that relief, she asked: “Adam. You told me that my name is ‘The mother of all living,’ what does that mean?”

You took a deep breath and thought for a moment. “When God asks me to name things, I just kind of know right away what the name is supposed to be, it just makes sense.”

Eve nodded and said “Adam, I’m not a mother yet. I don’t really know what a mother is, but I know I can’t be one here. Yet I am supposed to be one.”

You nodded this time - you didn’t know what any of it meant, but you knew that something about it felt right… But you kept thinking. Eve stood there with a drop of juice rolling from the bite’s edge onto her hand. The drop trickled down and dripped off her fingertip. Eventually you said, “I think I get what you’re saying, but Eve, that serpent must’ve been lying.”

“I know. I knew it as soon as he started talking. But I don’t think he lied completely. When he said that eating the fruit would make me wise, that felt…right. The whole things feels like a test. Listening to the serpent should have been wrong. But then I thought of that Look - and in my core I knew that eating was the Right thing to do even though it wasn’t the right thing to do. I knew from His Look that everything would be okay.”

It all did feel like a test. And your thoughts were all over the place – but they were going nowhere. So, you asked her sincerely - you asked the one you love most - “What do you want me to do now Eve?”

She held up the fruit. Another drop fell off her hand as she offered it to you. “It’s up to you Adam. If you don’t eat, then maybe you’re doing the right thing by listening to what God told us to do. Maybe there is a reward for you for not eating with me. But I will have to leave, and when I leave you will remain here, the lone man of Eden.” Your hollow ached at those words. She continued with tears in her eyes “Or you eat with me, and I don’t know what will happen to us.”

You thought about it.

‘If this was a test,’ you thought, ‘then eating and disobeying God certainly sounds like the wrong answer. What if I eat, and in eating I fail? What if Eve is my test, and she makes me fail?’

Again, you felt the hollowness in your side.

And in that hollow, you understood what Eve was saying.

In that emptiness, you heard the words God wasn’t saying out loud.

In that nothingness, you heard the silent commandment.

In the depths of your longing and from that longing had come the love of your life - your other half - the one to whom God commanded you to cleave after - the one meant to help you – your partner.

Your partner felt the depths of her longing opening towards something she did not yet know. How could you, knowing that anguish, deny her longing and leave her alone? You remembered the words you heard your first night in Eden - It is not good for man to be alone. ‘What if Eve is my test and I fail her?

You asked yourself the hardest question you would ever have to answer: ‘Will I follow the God I know, or will I put my faith in a mystery I love?’

You had been thinking for a long time. Eve’s eyes were closed, her head hung down, and the hand bearing the fruit had lowered to her side. Tears and juice were both dripping to the earth. You stepped up to her and took the hand holding the fruit. Her eyes opened with some surprise. You looked at each other, and you both remembered waking that first day together. You saw again the strange strangeness in her eyes, you saw her wildness, and you knew she had the potential to answer questions you did not yet know how to ask.

Without looking away, you brought her hand and the fruit to your mouth. You said “Eve. I would leave Paradise to stay with you.” Then you bit into the fruit.

…

Later on, when God called you out from hiding, His words were quite stern, but His eyes were always kind. When He asked you if you ate the fruit, you said yes, and He almost seemed surprised. When you told Him it was because you trusted Eve, He didn’t bother to hide His smile. After Eve had told Him her side of the story, He looked at you both with the same look she told you about. With that look, you knew too that everything would be okay.

…

In the course of your long life, you experienced great trials and tribulations. You ended your life with tremendous happiness and joy, but also a great number of regrets. Yet the one thing you never regretted in the slightest was trusting in Eve – the mother of all living.

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I would like to acknowledge that many will find what I wrote to be deeply heretical. To that I say - thank you for noticing!

But in all seriousness, I deeply feel that our understanding of Eden has been corrupted by the passage of time. Viewing our world as ‘fallen’ is untenable. Viewing ourselves as ‘fallen’ is abhorrent. Viewing woman as the cause of the fall is disgusting. How could you ever trust the Divinity in the women you know if your most foundational story tells you that she is the cause of all your sorrow? How could you ever truly love life, children, your own body, and the world itself with such a myopic origin story? For God’s sake, have some self-respect and open your heart to the beauty and joy of living! Instead of hating your own flesh and existence, maybe thank Eve for loving you enough to leave paradise for you!

If there is interest, I plan to do a part II of ‘Trusting Eve’ in which I cover some theological alternatives which may make the above story tenable for the intellectually rigorous. However, trusting the women we know and respecting the Divine Feminine in a real way will not begin by thinking - it will begin by opening our hearts and bodies in a manner we have been taught is not ‘holy.’ But what is holy that is not whole? What is a Patriarch without a Matriarch? What is God without a Goddess?